There Should Not Be An App For That

Tracking chicks’ cycles

Well, this one takes the cake. This handy app tracks menstrual cycles. Nothing weird about that, you say? Not at all, if you’re the person who goes through that cycle. But no, this app is specifically designed for men to be able to track and be aware of their lady friend’s movements down in the lady garden department.

“I am a Man” will help you with your private life planning. You will know about your girlfriend’s period and her mood. You can plan your dates, evening and save some money.

‘Save some money,’ you say? I know, right? Because we all hate it when you waste all that money on taking your girlfriend out to dinner and then she pulls some ‘Auntie Flow’ excuse to not put out. Am I right, fellas? (No, because I’m not a misogynist prick).

But it’s [sic] not all! You can add several girls. The program helps to avoid misunderstandings and preserve your relationship. Even if your girlfriend accidentally bumps into this application and makes you enter the password – she will be the only one to appear on the list, because “I am a Man” program implies personal passwords for each girl!

Oh my, now that’s a handy feature. Not only can you track and presumably avoid chicks who are ‘on the rags’, you can check where all of your current conquests are on their monthly cycle and plan accordingly. Hey look, Cindy is totally clear – sweet, better buy her some flowers and chocolates in the hope she’s up for a roll in the hay.

And let’s not go past the iconography chosen – a lightening bolt for PMS, little red liquid drops for menstruation, and my personal favourite, a condom for ovulation period. Beware, men – all women will try and trick you into having babies with them. Bitches, huh?

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