Ask the Trollacle: bipartisan bonking

Yesterday I received this dilemma from ‘Bipartisan’.

Dear Trollacle,

Is it possible for people from two sides of the political divide to make sweet love – at least beyond the one-night hate bonk? I have recently been taken by the suave good looks and dapper demeanour of my new next door neighbour, but it turns out he thinks the prime minister is doing a bang up job, and I think she should be ditched and replaced with Rudd. Please advise!

Thanks Bipartisan.

It’s a challenge that no doubt many political people face; The forbidden fruit, the thoroughly unoriginal sin.

They do seem so deboinair/anti-establishment those delicious conservatives/progressives at times, don’t they? So far removed from everything you’ve grown so weary of in the usual tired stockbroker/wharfie crowd.

There is nothing more beautiful than the moment when opposite sides of the political divide come together.

Of course, coming together is an exceedingly unlikely outcome, even more so on the first encounter. You can usually expect a muttered apology after a clumsy fumble in a campaign stop motel, prior to a hasty exit where an item of clothing is forgotten and has to be publicly returned the next day.

But from this a beautiful relationship can grow. Well timed antagonism can erotically recharge you in the boudoir. Climaxing conflict. And scaling the peaks and valleys of angry sex/make-up sex is so much easier when you have something real to fight about. A trading system for some direct action, if you like.

Unfortunately Bipartisan, your dilemma is more complicated, because you’re politically too close together to benefit from all of that oppositional arousal, yet irreconcilably divided. Such is the perrenial Labor leadership struggle.

There are comments about positions and backstabbing a less cultured clairvoyant would make at this point, but lets move on.

There’s no point in you doing the numbers, unless you’re both into that sort of thing. All you can do is take solace in knowing that it will never really be over. You can smooth the way, sit down together and play nice as you can agree on plenty, but you two will be still be going at it long after everyone else has grown tired of it.

But hey, so long as you judiciously apply the appropriate substances, that has plenty of advantages.


Do you have a question for The Trollacle? Ask away.

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That’s better.

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