Ask the Trollacle: Take our love higher

Anxious in Armidale writes:

My girlfriend wants to experiment with drugs together before we sleep together again. I haven’t really taken anything before, but I feel safe with her. Is this a good idea? Will it make our bond stronger?

Thanks Anxious. Since you’re anxious, I’ll get the answer out of the way now: No. It is a terrible idea.

To start with, it is unlikely that your girlfriend has access to good cocaine. Very few other drugs besides cocaine make sex better, or more intense. Most have a somewhat deleterious effect on male arousal. Basically your girlfriend is saying to you that you’re terrible in bed, she’s given up, and is seeking alternative ways to spend the remaining hours on the long slow descent to break-up.

She may be suggesting ice, which will send your fuck-lust skyrocketing. But ice is an outlier in the mind altering substance world, and should be avoided. LSD gave us psychedelia; ecstasy propelled dance music out of the clubs and into the world. Where would reggae be without pot?
Ice has given us nothing.

Never, NEVER trust a drug that hasn’t delivered good music.

If it is ecstasy that she’s suggesting, you’ll be all loved up and empathetic, and so will she. She’ll tell you lovingly and nurturingly about your sexual inadequacy, and you’ll feel just so connected. You won’t need sex, which is just as well, as you’ll be pointing true south at that stage. Then when the comedown hits you’ll hear nothing else but her words in your ears, and you will want to die. The serotonin blanket will be gone. You’ll be left exposed, confronted with the reality that you are unable to offer pleasure to anyone.

Of  course, your girlfriend may have taken a round about way of suggesting the little blue pill, which is all the more humiliating.

Drugs are not your answer here. What you need to do is to find a slightly older lady who will teach you a trick or two. You need not chemical enhancement once you’ve acquired some mad skillz in the sack.

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